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It's Different Than Being Married and Then Finding Out


It amazes me how God works in our lives. A year ago I can honestly say I did not know there was something called sexual addition. Sure I knew about porn and so on but it was something I had never exposed myself to (still have not) or thought much about. That changed when I met my fiancé and we started to become friends. He was up front with me from the second time we hung out, three months before we started dating. When we started dating he handed me a HH card and said, "For when you are ready." This was the beginning of my education on this topic. Since then God has brought two women into my life that I have given HH cards to. The things I have learned in HH Welcome Group and Ongoing Group have enabled me to minister in ways I never could have imagined otherwise. The fact that their faces almost light up as if to say I am not alone in this, when I tell them I know what they are going through and that there is help for them, not just their husbands or boyfriends. It's been pretty cool and I know God is only beginning!

My fiancé and I have both been praying about how God will use this in our lives. The way I see it is that God brings something like this into our lives, how on earth do we use it to glorify him? It is not only my privilege, it is my duty to obey Christ and to have Him show me where to serve. I have prayed and the peaceful confirmation that only God can provide tells me to move forward, keep taking the steps to serve Him in this capacity and He will be there guiding. So the journey begins and I am excited to see what God is going to do. Again, I stand in awe.

My relationship with God is first and foremost in my life. I read His word daily and I talk to Him throughout the day. I am not perfect (or even close to it) but I strive to live Christ. Meaning my words and actions match. My sole purpose on this earth is to glorify God in every single aspect of my life. It's that simple. Easy to say but it will take me a lifetime to even scratch the surface. When all is said and done and as I stand before God the words I love to hear is "well done my good and faithful servant."

My situation is different than being married and then finding out. The commitment level is different, however the willingness to learn and to "take this on" is the same as standing by your man. The biggest difference is that I could walk out at anytime and there is no mess really for me. We have no joint anything, yet. However, since I am marring the guy that will change. God is a God of grace and I choose to have faith, an open mind and not reject him. I admit, though, that if he was not well into recovery I would so not have dated him let alone allow myself to fall in love with him. I am signing up for a lifelong commitment to help him in his recovery as well as a lifelong commitment to our relationship. The difference is that I am going in eyes wide open. Sometimes I think I am nuts but after talking to God I am reminded of the sacrifice God have to have a relationship with me, His only son. Helping the man God has put in my life through his addition is certainly helping me become more like Christ. Is it scary, yes, do I worry about what if, yes. But I also know him and his heart to heal and to be a man of God. I also know that there is something bigger than all of this, a loving God who will carry me/us through the good times as well as the difficult times. It is through the difficulties of life that God can use to impact others. That is what I have found with sexual addition. So many people are affected by it, whether they are the addict or are married to or dating an addict or recovering addict. God has given me the ability to come along side a woman and say there is hope, there is healing and the journey will be long but it is worth every step you take. He takes something horrible like a worldly view of sex and can use that to lead others into a relationship or into a deeper relationship with Him. Again, I stand in awe.

I am excited to see how God will use us both through this. God can take anything and use it for His glory. What a gift we are given when He chooses us to help Him. What a mighty God we serve!
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