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Not a Poster Child for a Sexual Addiction Group

Most wouldn't describe me as a poster child for a sexual addiction group: I was a virgin when I married [at 29 years old], have never had much trouble resisting pornography and my only true lure to the internet is CNN and ESPN.com. I've never been a smoker, drinker, or drug user and rarely go more than 5MPH over the speed limit. So how did I end up at FMO? As many young males do I "discovered" masturbation in my junior high years. It's easy for an overweight, self-conscious, teenage boys such as myself to be drawn in by the comfort of desirability and arousal, even if it is only so in imagination and the privacy of an empty house.

And so began 15 years of unchecked masturbation and fantasizing. There was certainly conviction at times, the lusting and acting out seemed to go against how my heart felt, but by avoiding investigating my infant conviction I managed over the years to convince myself sexual purity meant something other than what I was doing. After all, I wasn't one of "those guys" who was going to strip clubs or hiring prostitutes. Certainly the Bible's messages of sexual purity were for the truly debaucherous Sodom & Gomorrah types, not a guy engaging in "normal" behavior.

In the 15th year of my addiction I met who would eventually become my wife. In our dating years I found myself pushing physical boundaries further and further, ones I knew were important for her to maintain but that I had lost conviction to maintain. My fantasy life, where I could do whatever I wanted, was playing out into my relationship with her and at cost. After pushing the limits too far I sought out help and found FMO, and only then did I begin to realize how large of a stronghold Satan had established in my life. After vowing to myself to quit my addiction for various causes (e.g. my wife) failure brought the necessary reality that only Christ was up for a job this big - a job of changing my actions and my heart.

Through years of effort, prayer, a wonderful support structure in FMO, and Christ's own intervention I have reclaimed territory formerly lost to Satan and am on my way to sexual purity. Out of 15 years of shame and secrecy sprung a passion for me that I truly enjoy trumpeting which is a fearless approach to telling men that there is no shame in falling to sin, for Christ has only victory planned for each one of us.

My story isn't new or radical; it's been played out time and time before, is seen every day in the men around me at FMO, and will continue to happen until the end: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."


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Pure Life Alliance

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Beaverton, OR 97006

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