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FMO Didn't Work, but I Wasn't Sharing the Whole Story

I participated in FMO for a year and a half, and my addiction didn't decrease. In fact, my habit of looking at internet porn increased in frequency. I came to group, I read the book, I prayed, I met outside of group with our leader. None of this seemed to help.

Now, I think I know the main reason I didn't grow in my healing and deliverance. I was not able to share the specific nature of my struggle. I struggle with bisexual attraction, and the porn I looked at was gay porn. Although I shared this upfront with our leader, I just wasn't willing to share that in the group. I never lied about my experience; I simply chose not to fully disclose my struggle.

After 1½ years of failure, I knew I needed to make a change. I took several weeks off from FMO and then joined a different FMO group. I chose full disclosure with this group. The guys were totally cool; fully accepting of me and my struggle. I would like to say that my victory over the addiction began then. Unfortunately, it wasn't until several months later that I finally began to break the grip of my addiction.

Because of my schedule, I returned to my original FMO group. At that point, I shared my whole story with those guys. Each of them was very accepting of me as well.

One thing that helped me gain control of my addiction: my wife and I were preparing for a short term mission trip. I knew in my spirit that I needed to clean out my life, before going away to share Jesus' love. I knew that I didn't want to "stand up for Jesus" having a soiled heart.

I renewed my commitment to God to stay away from internet porn, and asked Him for the grace to follow through with that commitment. For the first time in at least a couple of years, I stayed "clean" for several months.

Since then, I have walked in much greater purity. God has shown me that I'm able to live free from pornography. It no longer holds the grip on me that it once did. I am developing an arsenal of skills and techniques that I employ when temptation attacks. One of these is to call one of my brothers, and just tell him exactly what's going on. It's fantastic to have men that I trust, and I can openly talk to about this struggle!


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